As I think about 2009 and what has happened in this extremely fast year, I can’t help but feel like it took on a life of its own. I don’t know if there has ever been a year that has gotten away from me quite like this past one. I do know that there has not been a year that has changed my perceptions or views of the world quite as much.
I think of New Years Eve 2008 as if it were just last week. Games at Jami and Harland’s, Jessie and Chris coming late because they had just bought themselves some pretty awesome cars. Those blasted pellet guns. Silly string wars. Power-trip and the Rock not really getting along. It’s crazy how real and fresh those memories seem and yet distant, somewhat like a movie, something you’ve seen and yet you are not part of. I look back at this night and I am so grateful for the wonderful friends that I have. I remember making my New Year’s resolutions and thinking that I didn’t really need to make them because I was so busy anyway and so much was already going to naturally happen: I was going to finish school, I was going to get licensed, I was going to get a job, I was going to go on vacation with Jami to Japan. Nothing major, but I felt that it was okay to not have many lofty goals (all the aforementioned items were just ‘givens’ with the way my life was headed) because I’d had such lofty goals in the past. It was okay to have a calm year to rejuvenate.
Last February when Pete was gone for six weeks, I didn’t realize that it would be the last TDY that he would go on for over a year. That, by itself, is so odd. This is the first year since 2000 when Pete has been home with us for the full year. He has slept by my side every week of this year (well, since March with no foreseeable TDYs). I feel so fortunate and blessed to have had him home and yet I feel kind of sneaky, it is completely unnormal in the military to not be gone at least a little bit… its almost unsettling.
I remember March 2. I was wearing a pink sweater and a necklace that I had made the day before with Lalee. I was just sitting down to my desk at Syracuse High School, pulling my hair into a pony tail as I opened my emails. It’s crazy how much emotion and chaos that email, which held only 8 little words, provoked:
Kadena, Japan
31 Aug Report no later than
I sat looking at that computer screen for several moments, not really comprehending the words I was reading, my heart was pounding. It was like a cocktail of emotions: excitement, nervousness, fear, doubt, anticipation, terror, disbelief, etc. Although honestly, at the time I still felt like I was in control. You all know how much control means to me. Planning, structure, a sense of control, has always been one of my primary coping mechanisms when life gets crazy. In my mind, this was going to be a wicked, awesome adventure where I was going to have a great job (lined up before we even moved of course;) and we’d have plenty of money to explore. Of course we’d be able to come back and see the family every year. These assumptions were, in my mind, not suggestions- in my mind (and my plans) they were facts.
Finals, the stress of licensing tests, professional portfolios, capstone projects, getting passports, medical and school clearances- these things all made April and May fly by. May 29 brought a very rainy spring day in Boston. I had my family, Sandi and Dan and DaNette and her family with me. We were walking around the track at UMass. 
There I was, recovering from a migraine so I was pretty out of it, surrounded by Pete, Christian, and Dan and we were speed walking towards my graduation ceremony- theb boys all helping me throw on my robe, my cap and my drape. DaNette and Sandi trying to keep up while corralling all 7 kids as we all hurried towards my graduation ceremony. Did I mention the ceremony was outside, we were about 15 minutes late and everyone at the graduation ceremony was able to watch us approach as we came from the direction behind where the stage was set up? A zoo like entrance (as my cohort members later described it), such a wonderful way to end my Masters program. I remember one of the days of this trip DaNette and I woke up early and took a walk. We talked about our future. DaNette has been working on a book, it was her goal to finish this book during the year. I was on top of my game and was confident in the direction my life was taking.
June was the month of sleep deprivation. We returned from Boston and Jami and I flew out to Japan 6 days later. We proceeded to get about 30 hours of sleep total over the course of the next 7 days as we backpacked for miles through Hiroshima, Kyoto and Tokyo. I loved the history and beauty we saw in Hiroshima and the people we met in Kyoto but was turned off by the business of Tokyo. 
June speed into July and we were constantly busy between multiple camping trips, family reunions, get togethers, 4th of July BBQs with crazy water fights and roof top fireworks, birthday parties and going away parties. 
I remember my first glimpse of Okinawa. Several days inside of multiple airplanes and airports had left me sleep deprived and somewhat disenchanted. I remember looking out the window of the plane as it circled this small elongated island and thinking, “Wow, there is water for as far as the eye can see, nothing but water, and this small piece of land where I will be living for the next 4 years.”

The term culture shock comes to mind. That first couple of months of being here was the definition of culture shock: Being terrified to drive because I kept getting the blinker and gear shift mixed up, driving on the wrong side of the road and always had my windshield wipers going as it was conveniently located where I usually rested my hand while driving in the states. The first time I ventured off base and couldn’t figure out how to ask where the restroom was. Our first meal where we had no idea what anything was, we just pointed to pictures and nodded, hoping it wouldn’t be too gross. Most of it was, yet oddly enough- the food has grown on us. I remember 6 days after arriving I went to the employment office, I was so confident that I would be working soon, preferably by the time the kids started school. I remember leaving the employment office, kind of mad and not believing what they had told me: a good percentage of the spouses who wanted jobs didn’t have jobs and the more qualified you are, the harder it is to get jobs (unless you are willing to take min. wage). Again, I simply thought I could fix everything by taking control of the situation. There was also that first time when I had a Japanese person yelling at me in Japaneses- I’m sure he (and the others sense) had something important to say, I just smiled and waved because what else was I supposed to do? I remember walking into our home and crying as I didn’t understand that all concrete buildings are daunting and homes here have to be concrete because of the storms. I remember how scared I was the first time really fast winds hit the island. I remember thinking that the Sea Conditions really didn’t apply to my family- ha ha. And the time when our shipment arrived with nothing but 2 small boxes. I also remember the long walks, the trips to the beach, the many days spent at the pools, painting the house to make it feel like home. Being so happy as I watched Alex play with friends and really like school, something he has never liked before. I loved the amount of time we were able to spend together as a family.
Now, at the end of the 2009 I am no longer confident in my ability to control or change things, in fact I am not confident in any of the things I was so confident in at the beginning of the year. But I am confident in new things. I know that no matter what, I have my little family and we can have amazing times together with nothing more than imagination and our sense of adventure. I am confident that even when life doesn’t go the way you planned, it is still going to happen and often in better ways than you thought. I am confident that attitude really is 9/10th of any situation. And finally, I am confident in the man I married and our friendship. And honestly, being confident in those things is all I need to begin 2010 because at the end of the day those are the things that I can truly count on. 